It’s not February or March. Not black history nor women’s history month. This is not a calendered time where we post pictures of students and colleagues and uphold them because of gender, race, or heritage. I’m writing this on an off month to lift the reality that designated months mean less for the individual experience if actionable policy, forethought, and engagement is not part of the DNA or process of an organization.
The overlook that happens as we skip over the damage done leading up to those months begs attention. The overlook involved in merit, accomplishments, challenge, and individual experiences damages people relationships before they have the opportunity to blossom.
Most people appreciate advocacy when completed within a verbal repertoire they can personally welcome and can absorb. Many people will absorb disagreement as long as it doesn’t cross a hidden line. Absorption of differences, critical conversations, and the like has better potential when people get to develop their own relationships rather than depend on the communicated experiences of She is difficult to work with.
If peope evolve and in maturity and numerically, then we all bring various life experiences and verbal repertoires. Add in learning history, access, autonomy, and other cultural linguistic varieties…then ‘she is difficult to work with‘ may have less to do with She and is a reflection about us, on us; and its easier to blame She.
But there is no name calling. It’s just damaging statements with legs. Kindly languaged and normed injustice that damages She and seeks to assasian a personality. It does not give room for idiosyncracies of She. It gives no room for mistakes or a developed balance. There is a threshold rule for the tolerance of She.
And it damages black women.
And people know it.
And they watch.
And they remain silent.
And then we tell She that maybe Imposter Syndrome is present.
The socialized “difficult to work with” phrasing damages and positions the black woman to prove what she is not rather than allowing and giving the professional-collegial-personal opportunity to grow and develop (like every one else). And no matter who you are, you find yourself moving to place of proving what you are not, occasionally, because you know what is likely being said in some spaces. The sad part is that it leaves no room for reflection about the difficulty put in her way or who are the consistent perpetrators. This work would require intervention, people removal….
No. ‘She’s difficult’ is a much easier work through.
I write this because there is a proliferation of injustice put on people because they do not go along to get along. There is a sprinkled perpetuated untruth about personalities that happens in corporate and in academia. We uphold these personalities in calendared months and setup institutional barriers at the same time. I have seen and experienced this first hand. And let me be clear, the she’s difficult to work with assailant has no color. There are plenty of brown and black people who say less in rooms when these words are spoken. Why does this happen (still)?
- Social Currency
- Financial Security
- Positional Climb
- Alliance and Allegiance
- Effects of Colonialism
No matter the reason, the She’s Difficult To Work With is something placed on people for all the reasons unspoken.
Like my friends and colleagues, I have experienced this. Sadly, these stories are not new. They are narrated like a novel but could justly be filed in law and policy with a financial award for the damage done.
Difficult to work with should pertain to scholarship and research. The personality of ‘She’ should no longer be on the table, especially is its the only personality being assailed against.
Difficult to work with women made history and still make history. Sadly, we have no room for them when they are in front of us. We abhor them alive and salute them at or near their expiration.
When we guide, support, and collaborate with She it makes for stronger organizations and departments.
Lauryn Hill said it best “It could all be so simple, but…”
Let’s try supporting she and commit to betraying the storylines created about She. And if we can’t, just remember to send a thank you card to She each time your roadblock was small or didn’t exist at all.
Signed, She.
Landria Seals Green
